Aladdin, Harry Potter Style
by funkymonkey13
Summary: Its Aladdin... except with Harry Potter characters. Harry's Aladdin, Ron's the monkey, and Snape is the policeman!
1. Ron in monkey form

Disclaimer: As you have probably guessed I do not own Harry Potter, and never ever will.  
  
Aladdin, Harry Potter style.  
  
We see various scenes from a deserty place.  
  
Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place Where the caravan camels roam Where they cut off your ear If they don't like your face It's barbaric, but hey, it's home  
  
When the wind's from the east And the sun's from the west And the sand in the glass is right Come on down Stop on by Hop a carpet and fly To another Arabian night  
  
Arabian nights Like Arabian days More often that not Are hotter than hot In a lot of good ways  
  
Arabian nights 'Neath Arabian moons A fool off his guard Could fall and fall hard Out there on the dunes  
  
We see Dumbledore, who has been singing the song this whole time. He abruptly stops "dancing" when he sees people approach.  
  
Dumbledore attempts to sell us stuff.  
  
Dumbledore: I can see that you are only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think then that you would be most rewarded to consider this.  
  
He pulls out a small blue lamp with a small price tag saying $5.  
  
Dumbledore: Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things it is not what is outside, but inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life! A young man who like this lamp was more than what he seemed. A diamond in the rough.  
  
Dumbledore: Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? It begins on a dark night, where a dark wizard waits with a dark purpose.  
  
Voldemort: You are late.  
  
Small annoying person: A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he means to.  
  
Voldemort: You are still late.  
  
SAP: Whatever. *Does the "whatever" sign with his hands*  
  
Voldemort: You have it then?  
  
SAP: Yup.  
  
Voldemort reaches for the small golden half of a badger statueish thing.  
  
SAP: No way. Gimme the treasure first.  
  
Miniature Malfoy with wings swoops down and steals the golden badger half.  
  
V: Trust me, my small, distorted, disgusting minion; you will get what you deserve.  
  
Voldemort takes the golden badger pieces and puts them together. The pieces magically zoom off.  
  
V: Onwards!  
  
They follow the golden badger that can magically fly until they fall onto the sand, making the eyes of a giant sloth made of sand.  
  
Sloth: Hola, amigos. Como estas?  
  
V: Go get me the lamp.  
  
Sap walks forward, up to the sloth.  
  
Sloth: Como te llamas?  
  
Sap: Huh?  
  
V: Just go get the lamp.  
  
Sap walks into the sloth. The sloth is extremely unhappy about this, as it is not accustomed to ugly little men walking into its mouth. It eats the man, and before it falls down, it does some quick thinking.  
  
Sloth: Find the diamond in the rough.  
  
The sloth had no idea what this meant, and hoped Voldemort wouldn't either.  
  
Malfoy: This sucks.  
  
V: No duh. Lets go find this diamond in the rough guy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We erything! see Harry being chased by Snape and the Dursleys.  
  
Harry sings:  
  
Gotta keep One jump ahead of the breadline One swing ahead of the sword I steal only what I can't afford That's ev  
  
One jump ahead of the lawmen That's all, and that's no joke These guys don't appreciate I'm broke  
  
CROWD:  
  
Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel! Take that!  
  
Harry:  
  
Just a little snack, guys  
  
CROWD  
  
Rip him open, take it back, guys  
  
Harry:  
  
I can take a hint, gotta face the facts You're my only friend Ron!  
  
CROWD  
  
Who?  
  
LADIES  
  
Oh its sad Harry's hit the bottom He's become a one-man rise in crime I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em  
  
Harry:  
  
Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat Tell you all about it when i've got the time!  
  
One jump ahead of the slowpokes One skip ahead of my doom next time gonna use a nom de plume One jump ahead of the hitmen One hit ahead of the flock I think I'll take a stroll around the block  
  
CROWD:  
  
Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!  
  
Harry:  
  
Let's not be too hasty  
  
LADY:  
  
Still I think he's rather tasty  
  
Harry:  
  
Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat Otherwise we'd get along  
  
CROWD:  
  
Wrong!  
  
Ron in monkey form pulls a wand from a wandy type person.  
  
Dudley: He's got a wand!  
  
Snape: You idiots. I've got a wand, you've got a Smelting Stick, and those two have rolled up newspapers!  
  
Harry: One jump ahead of the hoofbeats (Vandal!) One hop ahead of the hump (Street rat!) One trick ahead of disaster (Scoundrel!) They're quick, but I'm much faster (Take that!) Here goes, better throw my hand in Wish me happy landin' All I gotta do is jump!  
  
He picks up a broom from the corner of a room he has run into and jumps out the window, sailing gracefully to the ground. Snape and the Dursleys jump too and land in fertilizer.  
  
Harry and Ron in monkey form sit against a wall to eat the ice cream cones they stole. He sees two small freaky children, dressed in leather and chains. The girl, who has a purple Mohawk, sneers at Harry. The boy, who has a green Mohawk, sneers too. He feels sorry for the two, completely unnecessarily, and hands them the ice cream cone. Ron does too, because he does everything Harry does. They throw the ice cream at Harry and walk off. He follows them. He comes to a crowded street, where a nice man is riding a horse. He leans over to give the two kids money, but somehow Harry manages to think he is trying to hurt them. He dives in front of them.  
  
Harry: NOOOOO *in slow motion*  
  
Man: OK then.  
  
The man rides on. Harry somehow is able to be thrown into a mud puddle. You have to wonder how he escaped Snape and the Dursleys.  
  
Harry: You'll pay for that!  
  
Man: You scare me.  
  
Harry throws himself at the doors but they close. The street is suddenly devoid of all life.  
  
Harry: I do not have fleas!  
  
Ron: That was random. Harry: You can talk?  
  
Ron: Actually, no.  
  
Harry: I see. 


	2. she’s my sister’s cousin’s mother’s hair...

A/N sniff, sniff, I feel so loved! You like me, you really like me! Thank you, almighty reviewers. Akira Bane, thanks for putting me on your favorites list! And, once, my uncle had this statue that was made to follow you with its eyes! I was so scared I practically ran out of the room!  
  
We flash to a different time/place. The nice guy is running away from the palace, looking quite scared.  
  
Lockhart(the sultan): Leavin' so soon, are ya?  
  
Guy: This place is scary. That guy on the street was acting really strange, and then that cat of the princess's attacked me.  
  
Lockhart: Ever wonder why she's called a princess while I'm not a king? She should be a sultina or something.  
  
Guy: I'm outta here.  
  
Lockhart sighs. He walks out into a lovely garden, where Hermione and Crookshanks wait.  
  
Lockhart: Why, Hermione?  
  
Hermione: You know I don't want to get married!  
  
Lockhart: But honey, think of how rich we could be if you married!  
  
Hermione: Gilderoy Lockhart!  
  
Lockhart:*shifty eyes* Umm, I meant, uh, I'm only thinking of you. You need someone to ah, protect you.  
  
Hermione: You know I'm a black belt, the smartest person in this city, have my own dot com business, and am fluent in 56 languages.  
  
Lockhart: Ummmmm.  
  
To stall for time he opens the cage of a large cage of pixies.  
  
Hermione: Noooo!  
  
Lockhart: Heh, heh, buh bye now.  
  
We see Lockhart, gazing at himself in a mirror. Voldemort appears.  
  
V: Yo, yo, yo, wazzup? Lockhart: Its that girl, what's her name. She won't get married!  
  
V: I can find a husband for her, but only with the help of that Magic 8 ball you have.  
  
Lockhart: But it's been in the family for months.  
  
Voldemort holds up his staff, which is made of iron, and which has a little Harry Potter head with X eyes on top of it. The little X eyes start to glow blue.  
  
Voldemort: Give me the 8 ball.  
  
Lockhart: Of course, the 8 ball.  
  
He hands over a shiny black 8 ball.  
  
Voldemort: Thanks!  
  
He leaves, and the spell over Lockhart is broken.  
  
Lockhart: I am beautiful, no matter what they say.  
  
Hermione: I've gotta go, Crookshanks.  
  
Crookshanks: Meow.  
  
Hermione: I'll miss you so much! Too bad you can't come!  
  
Hermione attempts to climb a wall, with much difficulty. After ten times and multiple curses, Hermione manages to get to the top of the two foot wall. Crookshanks jumps up beside her with no difficulty.  
  
She sets off, dressed in "unsuspicious" cloths, which means a neon orange jail suit. She walks around, taking in the sights. She receives quite a few funny looks, but as she has never had anyone give her a funny look before, she thinks they are admiring her "great beauty:"  
  
Hermione suddenly sees the same two children that Harry was so attached to. She makes the same mistake as him, and thinks that they are sad.  
  
Hermione: Oh, you poor things, here, have some food!  
  
She hands them some food from the nearest stall.  
  
Hermione: Run along now!  
  
They throw the broccoli that she gave them at her then walk away.  
  
Stall Manager: You can pay for that, right?  
  
Hermione: Actually, I don't have any money at the moment. If you could have the bill sent to the palace.  
  
SM: Yeah. Right.  
  
Hermione: Oh, c'mon. Please?  
  
SM: I am not going to make the sultan pay for your ditzyness! You can pay with. that nice necklace you're wearing.  
  
Hermione: No! Not the necklace.  
  
All this time, Harry has been lurking in the shadows, watching what's going on.  
  
Harry: Lurk, lurk. Watch, watch.  
  
Hermione: Will someone not help me? Oh woe is me, forced to give up mine own treasure to pay for a meaningless vegetable.  
  
Harry: Umm, stall manager, she's my sister's cousin's mother's hairdresser's second cousin's monkey's uncle's best friend's third cousin twice removed!  
  
SM: I can see the family resemblance.  
  
Harry: Really?  
  
SM: Yes, the same nose, hair.  
  
Harry: Thank you! Well, she's slightly crazy. Please forgive her.  
  
SM: Alright. I've had enough of this already. Just go.  
  
Harry: Buh bye!  
  
Hermione: Ta ta!  
  
Ron: monkey talk monkey talk.  
  
A/N I know this chapter is shorter, but I just wanted to get it up! I'm already starting the next one. Thank you again, reviewers. I bow to your greatness, and give you all chocolate chip cookies! MMMM. 


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